Gospel Friendship: Practical Steps

(Part 1 can be accessed here.)

As we gather, participating through the Spirit in the Father’s new creation in our local Christ community, how can we care for one another with such care? Below are seven ways that we can move from pleasantry to Christ-exalting care: 

1.     Identify the work of the Lord in your life and other around you. Ask yourself, “What is the Lord doing in my life today, this week, this season?” If you do not know, observe some areas of your life you can thank the Lord for providing, reinforcing, encouraging, and/or reshaping. Maybe through meditating on God’s Word, the Lord has changed your thinking about someone or some circumstance. Maybe through spending time with a fellow Christ follower, they have encouraged or challenged you in some way that has built you up or brought you into more intimate relationship with Jesus or his people. Maybe you see the Lord providing, encouraging, or reshaping someone else. Identify the work of the Lord and give thanks for his work. 

2.     Share with others struggles, victories, and how the Lord is shaping you. Sharing your struggles with others can be both fear-inducing and liberating. Unfortunately, sometimes people abuse the information they know. This is why many of us don’t want to share the things we think or struggle through. We’re afraid of what someone may do with the information. Rest assured, the Lord is redeeming you. He brings us out of the ashes for his glory. Creating a culture of intimacy to share struggles begins with prudence and humility. Caring for another requires a person to not haphazardly or unnecessarily share another’s struggles. Yet sharing one’s struggles can be liberating. You may be surprised that someone else has already traveled a similar road or your previous struggles and victories may give hope to others. Sharing struggles allow you to ask accountability from others or others from you. Sharing how the Lord is shaping you or observing how he is shaping someone else breaths life and hope into your Christ community, as you celebrate the Father’s redemption amongst the community through Jesus by the power of the Spirit. Prayerful discern a Jesus follower with whom you can share. Invite this person to gather with you over a meal or coffee.

3.     Ask others for help in decision-making, doing tasks, and prayer for physical and spiritual needs. Asking others for help is one way you can care for someone and they for you. Helping one another is an entry point into your life and theirs. Living life on your own can be difficult. While Jesus gave us his Spirit and his Spirit gave us Scripture to hear, the Father also gave us a Spirit-empowered community under Jesus’ authority. This community is able to use her collective wisdom, energy, and prayer life for the good for one another. Asking for help is a humbling request; yet, at the cross we are on level ground with each other. Asking for help provides intentional opportunity for your Spirit-filled community to speak into your life, for you to be known, and for you to know love those around you.

4.     Invite others to be a part of your life, messiness and all, through conversations, meals, and time together.  Intentionally inviting others into your life begins with letting yourself be known and seeking to know others. This begins with conversations and is as easy as asking someone over for dinner or to go shopping or out to a game. Find interest with another and care for them beyond your mutual interests. Yes, sometime this requires you to push beyond annoyances or interest for which you care little, but the reward of caring and being cared for outweighs your desires; although, it may not seem that way in the moment. The work of the Spirit in this relationship will be a pleasant aroma to the Father. When you invite others into life, let them see messiness of your life by inviting them into messy situations (i.e., messy house, a messy relationship, etc.), allowing them to peer into how the Lord is shaping you in all of your imperfection and messiness. Nothing can replace time together sharing “real” life with one another. 

5.     Encourage and challenge others to pursue the way of Jesus in all things. You and I live in a really messed up, evil world. There is enough cynicism and hateful criticism to go around, but it’s unacceptable among God’s people. The Bible makes this clear: believers are to encourage and to challenge another, or exhort and rebuke each other, in the faith. The spirit of both encouragement and challenging one another is to be done in a way that makes much of Jesus. How do you encourage others to pursue the way of Jesus in all things? Observe one aspect you notice about what the Lord is doing in a person’s life or something you’ve noticed that someone is doing well in the way of Jesus. When our focus is on what the Spirit of Christ is doing in us and our neighbors, our way of thinking and our approach to the world changes to see the Spirit of Christ in our midst.

6.     Pursue others with self-sacrificial love, transparency, and loyalty. Self-sacrificial love is difficult. Period. Pursuing others self-sacrificially displays the crucified-yet-risen Jesus to others, which makes the difficulty of self-sacrifice and transparency worth the pursuit. This may mean that you or I are burned by others occasionally, but we’ve burned Jesus; yet Jesus pursues us for the glory of the Father. Be faithful and loyal in your friendships, even when it hurts. Have mercy and compassion when pursuing others. Give opportunities for another person to walk with you through difficult seasons. Don’t gloss over the messiness. Work in the messiness to care for another. Let the work of the Spirit be at work in your messiness and walk with others in their messiness.

7.     Permit others to care for you with the self-sacrificial love of Jesus. While you may enjoy caring for others, letting others care for you also displays the crucified-yet-risen Jesus. Permitting this care from others begins with a posture of humility, laying down yourself at the level ground of the cross. The Spirit has gifted others with gifts, talents, and resources to be used for to serve others and the kingdom of Christ. Declining another’s care may, in fact, decline Christ’s provision for you in a given circumstance. How you permit others to care for you demonstrates how you view yourself in light of the reign of Christ. Do you allow the people of God to care for you or are you self-reliant? How do you permit others to care for you?