Gospel Friendship: A Theological Framework

Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy. — Proverbs 27:5-6 (ESV) 

Platitudes. Pleasantries. These two Ps have room in the Christian life as entry points into relationship with one another, yet they often take up too much room among the people of God as we gather. “You look nice today” or when asked “how are you” a person replies “I’m good” ring throughout our congregations as if we are extruding gospel friendliness. Friendliness is a fundamental characteristic of the gospel, but platitudes and pleasantries are not the telos or the ultimate end to gospel friendliness. Gospel-driven friendliness presses beyond social norms and pursues sacrificially the very heart of another person, seeking another’s wellbeing under the reign of Christ. Pleasantries are polite social remarks towards a person. Platitudes are banal, trite remarks toward a person. But nothing about the kingdom of Christ or the work of Christ in our life ends with the banal or trite or mere pleasantry. The Spirit is at work among us, having delivered us from the kingdom of darkness into the kingdom of the Father’s Beloved Son. This changes everything. 

The gospel has changed us. Our identity is no longer bound up in the brokenness of this evil present age. Our identity is wrapped in Christ himself, who is seated in the heavenlies at the right hand of the Father awaiting his anticipated return to gather his people and recreate the heavens and the earth as one fully in fellowship with the Triune Life-Giver. Our hope, our life, is greater than platitudes and pleasantries alone. Through the Spirit of Christ’s empowerment, we press light into the darkness. The ordinary becomes sacred and the sacred, ordinary through the work of the Spirit among us.

With the Spirit among us and our identity in Christ secured, Paul encourages the people of God to set our minds on the things above because that is where Christ is. He reminds us that our life is hidden with Christ, because we have died to ourselves and live to Christ. This changes the telos of our care for one another, no longer relying on small talk to pass the day, but making every moment about the mutual love that spurs one another to seek the life of Christ in us.

Much of the New Testament is concerned with Jesus followers’ care for one another as the Father cares. This is a central theme of the New Testament from the Gospels to the Apocalypse. Out of this theme arises what is known as the “one anothers”. The “one anothers” are commands in the New Testament that refer to the mutual care among God’s people. One of the “one anothers” is found in Romans 15:7 where the apostle Paul writes, “Welcome one another as Christ has welcomed you, for the glory of God.” Paul concludes his letter to the congregation at Corinth writing, “Finally, brothers, rejoice. Aim for restoration, comfort one another, agree with one another, live in peace; and the God of love and peace will be with you.”[1] And among the fifty plus references to the “one anothers” that refer to the mutual care of God’s people, fourteen refer to loving one another, such as when Jesus says to his disciples in his farewell discourse, “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”[2] The trend in the New Testament, whether within explicit “one another” statements or implicit instruction is that our mutual care for one another is grounded in the Triune Life-Giver’s love for us, his self-sacrificial love. 

By his self-sacrificial love for us, our pleasantries and platitudes flower into welcoming one another as Christ welcomed us into his kingdom through his self-sacrificial love. This kind of love is dangerous and risky, because we are left vulnerable to wounding others or being wounded by others and, in fact, we experience both wounding and being wounded. Yet the beauty of Christ’s redemption at work in us is that as Christ welcomed us most intimately so we welcome others, aiming for the restoration that the Father gives by his Spirit and will consummate. For as the Spirit dwells in us, so also the Word of Christ dwells in us. 

With the Spirit among us, the apostle Paul encourages God’s people to live out the ethic of the gospel by putting to death the earthly things while putting on the way of Christ, our new humanity in Christ, so that the peace of Christ can rule in us. This is no easy task, that is to walk in the Spirit, but a gracious work of the Spirit in us. Our minds and hearts desire what is not of the Father’s kingdom. These desires, attitudes, and actions linger in this broken world, but notice with what address the apostle Paul addresses believers in Colossians 3:12: God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved. This ethic that the gospel calls us toward begins in our status as God’s new creation and furthermore God’s beloved sons and daughters. Our righteous and familial status before the Father changes everything, especially the way we engage one another. Therefore, we engage one another differently, namely as Spirit-empowered brothers and sisters. We move beyond the platitudes and pleasantries. With the Spirit’s refreshment, we move beyond our inattentiveness to one another toward actively and richly pressing into one another self-sacrificially as fellow heirs of God’s new creation, modeling Christ’s love for us to one another. This is why the Spirit says through Paul, “And above all of these things put on love.”[3] All other characteristics of the kingdom of Christ flow out of our love for one another producing an affectionate care for one another in the broken world.[4] This kind affectionate care, this gospel friendliness among us is grounded by our identity as the Father’s beloved. 

As God’s beloved, the nature of our relationships is reshaped by Christ’s Spirit, as we seek to let the peace of Christ rule and the Word of Christ dwell in us. Our relationships become about drawing near to the Lord together, spurring on one another toward holiness and good works. This is why the Spirit says through the apostle Paul, “with all wisdom teaching and instructing one another”. The apostle is not referring to teaching and instructing as a spiritual gift only given to some, but rather something we do together whenever we gather. I find it interesting what Paul doesn’t say here, namely “teach what accords with sound doctrine” as he says elsewhere, but “with wisdom”. What then is wisdom, but living in the fear the Lord? This passage in Colossians is shaped by our thankfulness as the peace of Christ rules and the Word of Christ dwells among us as we do everything in word and deed with thankfulness to the Father.[5]

Discerning the reign of Christ in our very personhood and in others provokes thankfulness, because the Spirit is at work making all things new even in this profoundly confusing, deceitful, and evil world in which we live. And it’s out of the work of the Spirit and the reign of Christ that our thankfulness flows in love toward one another and worship toward the Father. This thankful love is the very love that flows in and through and between the Trinity—the Father, the Son, and the Spirit. We visibly express this intimate love to one another as a people under Christ’s reign.

How then do we live, gather, and speak truth in such a way that moves beyond our platitudes to gospel friendliness? We allow our Christ community to speak truth into our life. We allow our Christ community to show up in our life. We allow our Christ community to know our life—struggles and all, so that they others may see and participate in the good work of the Spirit through Christ glorifying the Father. But We also do this for those in our Christ community. We speak truth into others’ lives. We show up in their life. We know their life—struggles and all. We walk in sacrificial love alongside one another, making much of Jesus in the life of those with whom we gather. 

We should not expect our gospel friendships and gatherings to be glamorous and struggle free, gathering and sharing life from a position of power and strength, but rather a posture of humility and weakness allowing the Spirit to make much of Jesus through the work he is progressively accomplishing. Even when we are in mire of rebellion or disorientation, the Spirit is at work while also providing a community of God’s people who are also treasured, fragile jars of clay who can support, encourage, and challenge us toward Jesus. 

When my life is accountable under the rule of Christ and to others who I know sacrificially loves and cares for me, I find comfort. I learned many years ago that my heart is deceitful and desperately sick (Jeremiah 17:9). My heart pursues its desires rather than the desires of Christ. The desires my heart pursues are not always in my best interest or in the best interest of others. The Father has given to us his Spirit to reorient our hearts to himself, and he has knitted those who walk with Jesus together through his Spirit to walk together in the midst of this present evil world, displaying his new creation amidst this present evil world.

So, when Proverbs 27:5-6 says, “Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy,” we should expect nothing less than cautions and challenges from people in our Christ community who care for our well-being in Christ. Care sometimes stings and hurts, because we hear truth that does not resolve our heart desires. Pleasantries and platitudes do not open the heart. Pleasantries and platitudes do not press us together toward Jesus. We must press deeper into one another, so that we can sacrificially care for one another in the way of Jesus in midst of turmoil and chaos, pressing one another into the Life-giving Word who is the author and finisher of our faith.

Some of us have never been taught to move beyond the platitudes and pleasantries. Others of us are afraid of the vulnerability required, while others of us have never considered how to be friends in light of King Jesus. But the gospel demands it, and local Christ communities—local congregational gatherings— will most robustly display the goodness and beauty of the Father’s new creation to one another and to the watching chaotic, evil world.

(Part 2 to follow.)

[1] 2 Corinthians 13:11

[2] John 13:34-35

[3] Colossians 3:14

[4] Take a look at the structure of Colossians 3:12-17. Also, notice what flows from love: compassionate affection, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience, tolerance, and forgiveness. The governing and chief virtue in the Christian life is love from which all other virtues flow.

[5] And let’s face the music: we often fail at doing in word and action everything in the name of the Lord with thankfulness to the Father. However, our failure to walk in thankfulness is not liberty to walk in our failure. It is an invitation to frame our life with thankfulness to the Father.